Tuesday, December 23

picture OVERLOAD.

hi everyone! thanks for all the comments. i really appreciate them. they all make me so happy ^_^ really! i can't believe the holidays are finally HERE! i'm jewish so i celebrate hanukkah and the first night was just a few days ago. christmas starts in two days and i'm just in shock that it all came so fast. my mom bought me, aside from all the clothes from ebay and whatnot, an audrey hepburn calender (she buys me a calender every year), an audrey hepburn book: her life in photos, and my aunt got me a cute little vera bradley cosmetic bag for my purse (i always have my lipsticks and stuff scattered in my purse and it's always so annoying!). my mom got my dad the dark knight so i've been watching that nonstop for the past two days. i absolutely love that movie (the one movie i'll watch that isn't from the 1950s!) it's fabulous. heath ledger is amazing in it. i can't get over how creepy he is as the joker. i'm so upset he won't be in the next film. it's so sad. anyway, i got my sister across the universe because she's been singing the songs from that movie ever since she first saw it on HBO. i still want to get her something else because i feel like that's not enough. i still have time thou since there's 8 days of hanukkah ^_^. i got $50 so far in hanukah money from my great aunt so i'm waiting on the rest of it so i can go shopping on ebay (which i'm actually going to do right after this post with the $50 and maybe more from my parents hehe) but i understand how poor the economy is this year. i'm happy with what i got and my parents already spend so much money on me on clothes throughout the year. and let's not forget the thousands and thousands of dollars they spent towards hospitals, rehabs, and therapy when insurance wouldn't cover it. plus when i stole so much money from their safe and hiding spots during my years of drug use. i'm surprised we're not broke during the economy. but maybe that should show me that we're more well-off than most people and i should appreciate that more and i shouldn't take it for granted like a spoiled brat.. so even the little goods that i got for this holiday, i'm so happy for! i hope everyone else's holidays are great as well. ♥♥♥!!

so yesterday i met clint kelly from what not to wear at my local border's. can you believe it? three years ago i met nicole richie also at border's for a book signing as well but she wouldn't talk to anyone. there were a ton of rules (of course) but at least i got to say hello and get her autograph. with clint, he talked to everyone. he was the sweetest, most humble celebrity. he told me i looked very french and that's a great thing! i asked him about how to come about becoming a stylist since that's what i want to become and he told me to hold off for now since the economy is horrible. the stylists are all getting cut off. he told me to wait a couple of years but that's okay with me since i don't plan on becoming one anytime relatively soon. i was really happy i met him and i got his book as well. the book seems so fun with tips on how to dress, speak, behave, and eat well. it's so cute. if only stacey london was there too... i'd die. i fucking love her. she also looks identical to my therapist! no joke.
(in the picture: my sister, clint, myself, and my best friend katie)

i've finally came back to old old old OLD self where i'm not sitting in my bed 24/7. the night before clint kelly (or two nights before i forget already), i spent the night at karin's with lex and katie (best friends). it was so much fun. karin got a new sweet camera so we ended up taking a million and a half pictures that night. i'm so jealous of it. i want a new camera so badly! i hate my shitty digital :'( but oh well. we went to applebee's for dinner, talked talked talked, then went to the diner at 3 am, danced to rave music wildly in the car taking back roads home. all clean and sober. i'm so happy that i actually could say, "i had so much fun" without drugs. i never could do anything without drugs in my system and saying it was fun. even with my best friends. as embarrassing and hurtful as that is to say, it was true. my best friends are amazing and i have no doubt in my mind we're not going to grow up together. they're the reason why i don't go out and use. they're the reason why i stop and think while i'm in the middle of a craving asking myself, is it worth it? i don't want to lose everything again. i don't want to lose them again because i know when i didn't have them... i was nothing. i didn't even have my family. i didn't even have a home. without them AND my family, i'm nothing. i say this in every entry that i hang out with them but it's true. i can't get over this and this feeling. it's seriously a miracle for me because no one thought i was going to get clean.

gettin' pretty.



katie, karin, and i'm trying to hold karin's hand ;)

metal \m/

lex and katie DANCE DANCE!

me and karin lookin' real good. ^_^

our favorite thing to do: make fun of people with horrible extensions (especially when they think it looks HOT!)
exhibit a: lex's amazing hair extensions.
exhibit b: i'm a foxy lady.

checkin' out our asses (or my lack of).

yep, this is what i look like when i get ready for bed by the end of the night... o_O yikes.

dance party!!!

c'mon & party like you're in staten island~ pump those fists! i'm awesome.


i was either explaining something serious or i was making fun of someone. yep.

ALSO, i have a date tonight. i haven't been on a date since jake which was like, 3 months ago when i started getting clean and that didn't work out so well for a few reasons. the date was amazing but the whole "relationship" just wasn't working afterwards. so i really hope tonight's date goes well, etc. etc. i'm nervous... but so excited. we're getting thai food (my favorite!) and he's coming to pick me up (what a gentleman). but i'm afraid i'm going to feel like i can't trust him or something because of dan, my ex-boyfriend (i never dated jake). i mean, dan was the one who made me fall into that hole of misery. i have a restraining order against the guy. every little detail of him i see in every other guy and i freak out. i just think, "no no he's like dan because he said this i can't go on with this." but it's just something i misunderstood or it's something completely normal... i just can't seem to see it because i was with a psychotic sick fuck for a year and a half. and i'm not exaggerating. i don't know nice. i know bad. when a guy treats me nice, i think something is up. when a guy gives me a compliment, i think he's being sarcastic. i can't trust anyone because of HIM. he RUINED me, my life, my future relationships, my self-esteem. that's another thing i'm working on in therapy because i don't know what to do. that was originally why i started going to therapy. because of what dan was doing to me. i tried to commit suicide twice during our relationship because of how horrible he treated me. and from there on, there were hospitals, institutions, therapy, but dan still didn't think he was doing anything wrong (to this day he still doesn't know why i brought him to court). but, i still stayed with him no matter what. i don't want to be a loner all my life. i obviously want to grow up, get married, have kids but i don't know how with him on my mind whenever i'm out on a date. i don't know if i'm making any sense but i hope you understand what i mean otherwise i'm making a fool out of myself. it's always great to hear a story that relates to my story because i know that i'm not alone. i heard that my friend's sister went throu exactly the same abusive relationship and drug use i did. EXACTLY the same... and i just felt like, wow. i'm not alone. it's not only me. i'm not insane. because i used to think i was just crazy. i mean, what else did i think when i was screaming my head off? just injecting myself with drugs to ease my pain every. single time. ? my parents had no idea who i was. i was using drugs, getting verbally and physically abused, no one knew. i didn't even know what was going on. i was so confused. i was so young. it was like i was brainwashed. he was the only one i listened to until i went to more and more therapy, more and more institutions, and i knew.


p.s. i have recieved this award from one of my favorite bloggers, Q's Daydream. thank you so much! it was such a lovely surprise. especially since i've never received a blog award before! thanks for giving me my first one, lovey! :)

"Blogs who receive this award are "exceedingly charming," says it's authors. This award is a fine one because it focuses not on the glory and fanfare of blogging, but in the PROXIMITY to one another through this online-world. "This blog invests and believes in the PROXIMITY-nearness in space, time and relationships. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement! Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers! Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this clever-written text into into the body of their award."

I pass this award onto:

1.) the New Black
2.) A Penny for your Thoughts
3.) Love Maegan
4.) A Room Of One's Own
5.) Scrape. Feel. Dig. Believe. Ask.
6.) I'm Not Anti-Social Social, Just Short-Sighted.
7.) Fashion Chalet
8.) Vintage Lollipops



Q's Daydream said...

It's so fun to see all those pictures! You look fabulous darling! Friends are so important and if they are the right friends they really bring out the best in us. I'm glad to hear you are doing well! Keep it up cheeka!

PS: You really deserve this award and I'm honored to be the first blogger to give you an award! :o)

MR style said...

wow u look really good

abby c m said...

Oh my god, you are so cute/beautiful. I love that you wear red lipstick - I am not gutsy enough ahh.

Anyway. I am adding your blog right back to my feed! :)


tres said...

oh it's seems hilarious!! n really cute pictures as well ;)

tresa said...

ps. also wanted to tell u, I love ur blog!

Romeika said...

Dayana, thank you so much for the lovely award:) I can't believe it's december 24th either! Time went by so fast... Love your outfits, especially the last one with the scarf. And hope you had a wonderful date last night, I can see why you're having problems trusting a new person.. But the best of luck!!

Larita said...

I love your style

Monikapolitan.com said...

aww looking cute. Please tell us how your date went!

Daphne said...

i love this photos!

Nil said...

Hey there beautiful! I've found your blog and god you look so beautiful in every pic. I adore your style and your audrey hepburn likeness
Kisses :)

Syana said...

You look so chic with that yeyellow shirt and purple scarf!! xxx

Pen Pen said...

Ahh! I LOVE everybody's bangs! I'm trying to work out some crappy ones I got- my hair is fighting me!
-Oh!and I LOOOVVE ur style! So retro-perfection!!

Mel said...

aww your blog is awesome, i love it!!! xx

Lara Natascha said...

love your blog and pictures!

Faridah said...

Great photographs! That purple scarf is such a delight. x